"I told you so" dance and pee coming out of my ears

Tomorrow we have a meeting with Adrian's school to go over the significant behaviors he is exhibiting throughout the day.  This is the 2nd meeting we are having to discuss this same issue.  He is in week 5 of Kindergarten.  When he started school I put together a packet of stuff for his teacher to read.  Information to help teach her about RAD, such as this, which is meant to help give her strategies to work with him.  I talked at length with her the week before school about her need to stand firm, demand respect, follow through.....  I also talked to the principal, the social worker, the school nurse, and the instructional assistant in the classroom within the first week of school. 

The teacher seems amazing, I really do believe that - and I know she is doing the best that she can, everyone is.  But, I certainly get the feeling that when people hear me talk about Adrian they just think I sound crazy, angry and most of all - mean!!  I also get the feeling that so many of those people all thought, "oh, he's 6 - how bad can it be?" 1 person even made such a comment.  My response, "you cannot even imagine how bad it can be".  Here is a short little list from the past 10 days or so; multiple tantrums/rages lasting 2 or more hours, throwing large items across his room, emptying all of his drawers and throwing the clothes all over, peeing in the corner of the bathroom and probably somewhere in his bedroom I have yet to discover, ripping sister's hair out, punching brother in the face and stomach repeatedly, screaming at the top of his lungs how much he hates me and wants to leave......need I go on?  It can get bad, real bad, really stinkin' fast.  

The most important thing for kids with RAD is for all of the environments to be consistent, have the same rules, same consistency of administering consequences (consequences need not be the same), and above all else - Respect. Must. Be. Demanded by the adults!!  When Adrian does not receive this in 1 environment, he looses control in all of the environments.  If he gets away with something at school, that behavior and disrespect is brought home and we have to get to deal with it all over again.

Adrian loves to pick battles, I hate battles.  Sometimes I can figure out why he is picking a battle, I can see what he thinks is in it for him.  But the battle that he has picked so far this year is baffling me.  Adrian is choosing to pee his pants multiple (sometimes 4-6 times a day) times a day.  Adrian has been toilet trained for 2 years.  We trained him within the first 6 weeks of him moving in.  He is not accident prone.  Hadn't had one in over a year....  Then Kindergarten came around.  He pees to avoid tasks, gain attention, get people to wait on him, to control the flow of the classroom, to see what kind of reaction can be gained from whom.  GROSS!!  I am so sick of pee - I could vomit (maybe I will...).  Don't get me wrong, I'm not cleaning up his messes, oh Hell no!  He has to clean himself up - but I still smell him.  I keep trying to think what will get it through his head that this is not getting him anywhere.  He is embarrassing himself, the other kids tease him about it (and then get punched in the face) and there isn't one kid in his class that genuinely wants to be his friend.  He, of course, thinks they are all his friend.  Sometimes I think I am fighting a loosing battle.

Now, at week 5 of school, I feel like walking into that meeting tomorrow and doing a little "told you so dance".  He is 6, how bad can it be right?  Well, let's re-cap.  He spends the majority (and I mean about 75% of the time) sitting away from the other children not participating in the activity/group time, he hasn't attended a recess yet in which he doesn't get in trouble and end up sitting on the bench, he is punching kids in the face and gut, he is pinching the kids around him in line, he is pulling hair, he is saying hateful things about his teacher to other students and scaring the hell out of them.......I guess it can get bad.....I guess. 

But, I won't do that.  I will walk into that meeting with a purpose, getting help for my son.  But, someone help me if I hear, "it'll get better, he just needs time".  More time = more time that Adrian thinks he is in control.  The longer he thinks he is in control the harder it is to get him out of that mindset.  I am hopeful that I walk into that meeting tomorrow and meet the team of teachers/administrator and that they all have their minds open and theirs pens ready to write down strategies......remaining hopeful.....Oh, did I mention that the teacher requested an EBD evaluation on Day 7 of Kindergarten.  Day 7......what a kick in the gut to all of the hard work Trent and I have done over the past 2 years.  I wanted to say, you think he is EBD now - you should have seen him 2 years ago - wow!